There are days when I look at myself and I really wonder what I am. I find it hard to want to accept that there’s something out there, but I know the only reason why I want to push that faith on myself is because of fear. Because I’m terrified of death, I’m afraid of what comes after I’m gone. But, the idea of an all powerful being in the sky who loves me and forgives my sins, but when I do something wrong I’m sent to an eternity of damnation and torture, it’s nonsense to me. I’ve definitely come to a conclusion that I am in fact a religion jumper like my mother. I want to find a place where I belong, where I know I can build myself up spiritually, mentally, and feel that I’ve grown from those beliefs. Now, recently, I’ve been doing a lot of studying and research on LeVayen Satanism. The beliefs, the goals, the acceptance has caught my attention. To be honest, I feel like I can grow through something like this. To become the person I want to be, and to grow as an acceptable human being. My mother, however would detest this idea. But that doesn’t change the type of person that I am. I’m still me, and I’m not going to push my beliefs onto others, definitely not. I’m still Veronica. I’m conflicted from what I want to do, who I want to be, and what I want in the end of it all. Come what may, I suppose.