You know what really pisses me off?
When you’re there for someone, and all you do is play hero, but when you need saving or help you’re given a lecture about getting over yourself.
Fuck that, fuck you, fuck everything.
I’m done with this shit.
I don’t trust myself today to be alone. I’m so set with wanting to give up, but then there’s the part of me that wants to keep going. But I’ve dug myself so far into a hole that I don’t even know what to do anymore.
There’s something about watching a show that hits you right in the heart. How spot on everything is. I think what hurts the worst is seeing them have that person, that person that can back them up when they’re down.
Jesus, I’ve become jealous of a fictional character.
I guess in all truth, I just wish I had that person. I want someone who can back me up, and not leave, or runaway. Someone who will love me, for me.
I’m running away from my problems still, and things are getting bad again.
And this time, I don’t know if I can do this alone.
There’s nothing better then waking up feeling like complete shit and then mentally feeling like a complete piece of shit later.
I’m so ready to share my love with someone, and I feel so silly just sitting around and whining about it.
I just want kisses, and hugs, and sweet names.
ugh
I want a girlfriend
There are days when I look at myself and I really wonder what I am. I find it hard to want to accept that there’s something out there, but I know the only reason why I want to push that faith on myself is because of fear. Because I’m terrified of death, I’m afraid of what comes after I’m gone. But, the idea of an all powerful being in the sky who loves me and forgives my sins, but when I do something wrong I’m sent to an eternity of damnation and torture, it’s nonsense to me. I’ve definitely come to a conclusion that I am in fact a religion jumper like my mother. I want to find a place where I belong, where I know I can build myself up spiritually, mentally, and feel that I’ve grown from those beliefs. Now, recently, I’ve been doing a lot of studying and research on LeVayen Satanism. The beliefs, the goals, the acceptance has caught my attention. To be honest, I feel like I can grow through something like this. To become the person I want to be, and to grow as an acceptable human being. My mother, however would detest this idea. But that doesn’t change the type of person that I am. I’m still me, and I’m not going to push my beliefs onto others, definitely not. I’m still Veronica. I’m conflicted from what I want to do, who I want to be, and what I want in the end of it all. Come what may, I suppose.
Just went off on a tangent about how terribly my cousin in New Mexico is.
I am really heated right now omg.
You ever get the feeling that you don’t really mean anything to someone, who means so much to you?
I miss you. And being away from you for so long is really starting to get me. I keep hearing out song, all the time now, and it’s hurts. I wish there was more that I could do. To help you, to get you out of there, but until I get a job, and get myself together, I’m useless. And that’s eating me up. I will help you, and I will be there for you. I promise.
